


We Don't Have Far To Fall

by blackcatbone



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Pacific Rim Fusion, Cuban Lance (Voltron), Gen, Gender-Neutral Pronouns for Matt Holt, Gender-Neutral Pronouns for Pidge | Katie Holt, Jaegers (Pacific Rim), Japanese Keith (Voltron), Kaiju (Pacific Rim), Other, POV Pidge (Voltron), broganes (voltron), gender-neutral Holt siblings (Voltron)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-10
Updated: 2018-02-25
Packaged: 2018-10-30 09:38:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 13,125
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10874103
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blackcatbone/pseuds/blackcatbone
Summary: Pacific Rim fusion AU.With the Jaeger Program about to be shut down, Pidge gets a visit from their old friend Shiro, hoping to recruit them for one last mission. Piloting Shiro's old Jaeger along with his adopted brother Keith, Pidge must face up to their past and embrace the present in order to help end the Kaiju War once and for all.





	1. From the moment we rise, we hide

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1) Massive thanks to [Rhi](http://thebonepilot.tumblr.com/) for beta-reading and offering feedback, and to [Dytabytes](http://archiveofourown.org/users/dytabytes) for helping me come up with names for the Jaegers.
> 
> 2) Obligatory Note About Ages - Pidge and Matt were twins in this universe, and therefore the same age. At the point when this story is set (January 2025) Shiro and Pidge are both 25, Lance and Hunk are 23, and Keith is still just a baby at a mere 20 years old. These ages are based on Plot Reasons rather than any personal headcanons.

"Hey Gunderson! You got a visitor. Looks important."

At the foreman's shout, Pidge looks up from the device sitting open on the workbench in front of them, wary and irritated at being interrupted. They heard the chopper landing nearby but had paid it no heed, assuming it wasn't anything to do with them. With a sigh, they carefully push the wires back inside the machine they were fiddling with and replace the small metal panel covering them.

Stepping out of the workshop door, they immediately see why they've been summoned.

Shiro offers them a grudging smile as he walks over from the helicopter, his hair blowing in the gusts generated by the blades as they gradually slow. Pidge notes that there's a streak of white that wasn't there the last time they saw him. He's wearing dress blues under his long woollen coat, the right arm of which is folded up and pinned. He looks good, all things considered.

"Pidge Gunderson, huh?" he says as he approaches them. "You're a hard person to find."

"That's because I didn't want to be found," Pidge responds tightly, folding their arms over their chest. "What do you want, Shiro?"

His smile falters at the abruptness of their response, but only for a second.

"I'm in need of someone with your talents."

"Can you be more specific? I have quite a few."

"So I noticed," Shiro says, gesturing to the workshop behind them with a jerk of his chin. "Figured you'd land on your feet somehow. You're lucky; you've got technical skills to fall back on."

Pidge shrugs. "It's a job. Keeps me moving, keeps me fed."

Shiro looks up at the partially constructed segment of the Anti-Kaiju Wall towering above the two of them, not bothering to hide his disdain, before he finally answers, "I need a pilot."

"Ah. Well, I hate to be the bearer of bad news," Pidge says, making a show of looking over at a few of the workmen passing by, "but I think you might've wasted a trip. No pilots here."

Shiro's expression softens as his focus returns to them. "Katie..."

"Don't. Whatever it is you're doing, you're gonna need to find someone else."

"And I would if I could," Shiro says carefully, "but I'm afraid my options are a little limited; we Jaeger pilots are a dying breed." His gaze drops for a moment before he adds, "And I need someone I can trust."

'A dying breed' is a bit of an understatement. Although at first Pidge had tried to cut off all contact with the PPDC when they left, it's been impossible to ignore the increasing number of news reports about Jaegers being lost, along with their pilots, in the last couple of years.

"If everyone else is dead, then who's going to be my co-pilot, hm?" they ask bluntly. It's certainly not going to be Shiro, not after losing an arm.

"Keith Kogane."

Pidge frowns. "The kid you saved in Tokyo?"

They did break out of their self-imposed isolation briefly to do some digging when they finally found out about the Tokyo attack. It wasn't difficult for them to get hold of a copy of the mission report. They're quite familiar with all the back doors in the PPDC's computer network. Information security was never a high priority for the organisation; it's not like they were expecting the Kaiju to try hacking in to learn all their secrets.

The subsequent trail of documents, including medical reports and psych evals, told the rest of the story. Keith had been caught out in the open during the attack, which had claimed the lives of both of his parents. Shiro and Sendak had shown up just in time to take down the Kaiju and save him. Despite their victory, Tokyo had been Sendak's last deployment. His death had been recorded only a handful of months later and afterwards Shiro had taken a leave of absence.

Shiro smiles, a somewhat distant look in his eyes as he answers, "He's more like a brother to me now. After Tokyo I volunteered to become his foster guardian. He didn't have anyone else, no family left, so I figured it would be good for him."

Pidge nods, their mind already working to fill in the gaps from the past four years. Shiro must've spent some of his time away caring for Keith, who, according to the psych reports, was unsurprisingly quite traumatised after coming face to face with a Kaiju.

"He was my co-pilot for a time, too," Shiro continues, "but I can't pilot a Jaeger with just one arm." He shrugs his right shoulder as though to demonstrate. "And there's no way I can pair Keith with a rookie after what happened on our last deployment. I need someone who can already handle themselves in the Drift."

Pidge looks away from him, shaking their head. "I'm sorry, but I can't."

"Pidge, _please_ ," Shiro pleads, somehow managing to say their new name with such sincerity that anyone listening could be forgiven for thinking that he'd always known them by it. "They're going to shut us down. This is my last chance to end this war once and for all. I've gathered as many Jaegers as I can, activated anything that'll still function. They've even rebuilt Black-" A smile tugs at his lips. "She looks like new again - but she needs _two_ pilots."

Pidge frowns at him. "Is that why they gave you authorisation to waste your time tracking me down? Because you're in charge now?"

"I'm an acting marshal," Shiro confirms. "Marshal Alves was in charge of this operation, but his health has now deteriorated to a point where he's no longer fit for duty. I was the next most senior Ranger left still standing, so he asked me to take command." He reaches up to rub his neck anxiously. "But honestly, we're running on a skeleton crew; I need all the help I can get."

"I don't know, Shiro," Pidge says, removing their glasses and examining them out of nervous habit. They're wavering, but the thought of having someone else in their head again, only to have them ripped away... "It's been nearly five years. You sure you want to let me loose in Black?"

Shiro brightens at that, smirking slightly. "You always said you wanted to pilot her."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Story and chapter titles are from 'Far To Fall' by Newton Faulkner.


	2. I'm just trying to find my way back home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A quick note (since it's not mentioned until later in the story) to say that Lance is a Cuban Mexican immigrant in this universe. See the end notes for more details.

It's raining heavily when they arrive at the Hong Kong Shatterdome. The landing area is covered in scurrying workers wrapped in battered black raincoats and brandishing matching umbrellas. As they step out of the helicopter, Pidge spots one person walking purposely straight through the crowds towards them. Shiro heads out to meet them and Pidge follows.

"Pidge Gunderson, Keith Kogane," Shiro introduces them while Keith opens an umbrella and hands it to him.

Instead of extending a hand to shake, Keith eyes Pidge uncertainly and turns to Shiro, speaking in Japanese, "This is the one you told me about? I thought they'd be taller."

"What I lack in height, I more than make up for in other areas," Pidge answers in their best Tokyo accent, smirking slightly.

Keith's eyes widen in surprise and he looks away, clearly embarrassed. To be honest, he doesn't really have any room to talk. He's not all that tall himself, especially standing next to Shiro, who benefited from a heck of a growth spurt in his teenage years. Pidge recalls how he made everyone in Manila look short, except of course for Sendak, who was basically just a freak of nature.

"Pidge is going to be your new co-pilot," Shiro continues in English, apparently unfazed. Turning back to Pidge, he says, "Welcome to the Shatterdome. I'll show you around."

The three of them head inside and are almost immediately joined in the main elevator by two women and a couple of tanks of what, Pidge concludes after studying them for a moment, look like pieces of _Kaiju_.

The two women share the same hair and skin colour, but the similarities stop there. One looks much younger than the other, probably closer to Pidge and Shiro's age, and is smartly dressed, with her thick curly white hair artfully tamed and tied back. In contrast, her elder companion's hair hangs limp and lank around her face, her hunched shoulders only adding to the defensive air about her, and her clothes look crumpled like maybe she might've slept in them. 

The pair are apparently too busy arguing (in what sounds like Spanish to Pidge) to notice them or acknowledge the others. Shiro and Keith exchange wary looks but say nothing. Finally, the women lapse into an angry silence. When the elevator doors open, they escort the tanks of specimens out without speaking to one another.

"Our K-Science team," Shiro says by way of explanation once they've disappeared from view.

"That's your whole team?" Pidge asks, slightly incredulous.

Shiro ducks his head. "Like I said, a skeleton crew."

After walking for a while, finally the corridors end and they step out into the central area of the Shatterdome, where the Jaeger bays are. Pidge can't help but marvel at just how vast the space is. They remember hearing that there were facilities enough here in Hong Kong for over thirty Jaegers. Now, Shiro said on the journey over, they're down to just _three_ functional Jaegers.

"Black's the only Mark-3 still standing," Shiro explains as they approach the towering giants, "but we've got a couple of younger crews here too."

He gestures to the nearest of the Jaegers as they draw closer. "Firefly Landslide has been stationed here in Hong Kong since construction and has already defended this port many times. She's light on her feet but also devastatingly effective in a fight - a force to be reckoned with. The pilots are a brother and sister team from Vietnam, Rax and Shay Hoang..."

Pidge is mentally running through what they remember of the Mark-4 Jaeger's specs. They glance over at the pair standing just in front of the Jaeger, both sporting strong profiles, tall and muscular. The brother, Rax, eyes them warily when he notices them looking, but his sister smiles and waves in a friendly greeting. Pidge waves back.

"..and this is Pícara Tectonic," Shiro says as they move on to the second Jaeger. "She was moved here when the Lima facility was closed down last year. She's the baby of the family, the only Mark-5 ever completed, but she's already proved herself with a solid kill record. She packs quite a punch." 

Pidge recalls the lengths they went to to get their hands on any technical details about the Jaeger while it was being constructed. They'd been so excited about the new Mark status. It was meant to be the culmination of everything the PPDC had learned so far about building Jaegers - systems optimised for ocean combat, striking a perfect balance between durability and manoeuvrability.

"The pilots are Lance and Hunk Dos Santos," Shiro finishes, nodding towards the two Rangers standing nearby.

Pidge raises an eyebrow at the pair, who are busy chatting and don't appear to have noticed the onlookers. One is tall and slim, though still visibly toned under his thin t-shirt, while the other looks like he might be even taller and is significantly broader, with skin and hair a few shades darker than his companion.

"Which one of them is adopted?" Pidge asks casually, confident that they've got the measure of this team.

"Neither," Shiro answers without missing a beat. "They're married."

Pidge almost chokes and quickly tries to cover it with a fake cough. Keith frowns at them, confused, but Shiro just grins and keeps walking.

Pidge clears their throat. "So this is your skeleton crew. What's the mission?"

Shiro looks over at Keith quickly, before answering, "We're going to try and destroy the Breach, stop them at the source."

Pidge frowns. "How exactly are you planning to do that?"

"By dropping a 2,400 pound thermonuclear warhead into it," Shiro says simply.

Pidge smirks, nodding. "And how the hell are you going to get ahold of a bomb that size?"

"Thanks to Sendak I've still got some good connections with the Russians," Shiro says, a flicker of something unreadable in his expression. "They said they could get me whatever I needed and they weren't kidding."

Pidge turns to face him then, crossing their arms over their chest. "But you know we've targeted the Breach before, right? Everything we've tried to hit it with has bounced right off. What makes you think it's going to go any different this time?"

"Two K-Scientists and a bunch of equations that, admittedly, I don't fully understand. But trust me, it's going to work."

Pidge is about to point out that that's not particularly reassuring, but the words die on their tongue as they reach the last of the three Jaegers.

"Blackhole Destiny," Pidge breathes in awe. Shiro was probably counting on them getting sucked back in by her irresistible pull and he was right. It's hard to believe the Jaeger is more than seven years old. "She looks like new."

"New and improved," Keith says, a hint of pride in his voice as he looks up at the Jaeger.

"That's twice now she's been rebuilt almost from scrap," Shiro says, the weight of what are no doubt some heavy memories barely registering on his face. "But one benefit of that is that it's allowed her to move with the times. After the latest round of upgrades, she should handle better than ever."

"She's still nuclear, though, right?" Pidge asks, scrunching up their nose as they study the Jaeger, trying to spot the changes.

"Now, I know what you're going to say," comes a voice from behind Pidge, "but before you go complaining that we've ruined her with all these newfangled modern upgrades, I'll have you know that Ryner herself approved- _oof!_ "

The familiar voice cuts off as Pidge slams into their old friend, bodily hugging him as they exclaim happily, "Coran!"

"It's good to see you again," Coran responds, gently returning the hug.

"You two know each other?" Pidge hears Keith ask from behind them.

They frown. _Of course_ they know Coran. Why would Keith ask that?

They stop, mentally backtracking over all of their interactions with him so far. 

He said Shiro had told him about them, but when he introduced them it was only as Pidge Gunderson. Keith hadn't expected them to be quite so vertically-challenged, which suggests that he hasn't seen their PPDC record, where their height would be listed. And if Shiro _had_ told him anything about what happened in Alaska in 2020, it's unlikely he would've left out the fact that Coran was _there_ at the time. Considering all of that, plus Keith's suspicious tone just now, they'd hazard a guess that he doesn't actually know who they are...

Coran pulls back a little, taking hold of Pidge's shoulders so that he can get a proper look at them, before answering smoothly, "Of course. How could I forget one of the best damn Jaeger technicians I've ever worked with!"

Technicians, not pilots. Pidge grins. OK, if this is how they wanna play it, Pidge can certainly work with this.

-

After a quick catch-up with Coran, unsurprisingly Shiro has some business to attend to, so Keith's the one to show Pidge to their room. The Ranger quarters here aren't massively different from what they remember from the other Shatterdomes they've stayed in, minus the bunk bed they had back at the Icebox of course.

"How long have you known Shiro?" Keith asks as Pidge dumps their bag on the bed.

"Since the Academy," Pidge answers honestly, since there's no need to lie about that detail.

They're not sure exactly why Shiro decided not to inform Keith about their history and real identity. Perhaps to prevent him going into the Drift with any preconceived ideas about whom he was working with? Regardless, they've been happy to go along with it, not least because it means they've been able to avoid any uncomfortable conversations about the past.

"So you've been through the Ranger training program? But you never actually became a pilot?"

"Honestly, I was always more interested in working as a J-Tech." 

That's not a lie either, but when they look up they note that Keith still looks suspicious. He knows he's not being told everything, so he's testing them, trying to get them to slip up and spill the secret. He must really trust Shiro, though, since he hasn't directly questioned Pidge's suitability as his co-pilot yet. Shiro did say that he and Keith were like brothers and had been co-pilots, so that rather implies a certain amount of trust.

"So you've never set foot in a real Conn-Pod before?" Keith asks.

"Not unless I was fixing something," Pidge lies smoothly this time, before following it up with a truth, "but I've got a solid record in the simulator."

"It's nothing like the real thing," Keith warns. "Kaiju are unpredictable."

"Well, luckily so are you," Pidge counters, "at least according to your record."

Keith seems surprised that they would know that. He's probably going to go off now and ask Shiro how come Pidge has seen his record when he hasn't seen theirs. Good luck explaining that one, Shiro.

"Do you need anything else from me?" Pidge asks tiredly. "If not, I'd like a little time to myself."

Keith seems to startle out of his thoughts. "No, of course. My room's just across the hall, so let me know if you need anything."

Then he's gone, carefully closing the door behind him. Pidge stares at it for a moment, letting their eyes unfocus and their mind go blank. They do feel tired.

They take off their glasses, placing them on the desk, and shrug off their coat, letting it drop to the floor, then peel off the thick sweater they're still wearing. There's a mirror by the sink and, as their shirt catches and rides up, they catch a glimpse of their body in it.

For a moment they stop, studying the unnatural parallel lines that scar their torso.

They wonder if Keith would recognise the scars for what they are, whether solo piloting is something that's ever talked about officially or if Shiro's ever mentioned it to him privately. They think back to the beach, the feeling of their cold-numbed fingers buried in sand and snow, frantically digging. They shudder and hurry over to the locker on the other side of the room, quickly pulling out a clean sweater and tugging it over their head.

-

When Pidge arrives at the mess hall, they're pleasantly surprised to find the kitchens well-stocked. One of the advantages of Hong Kong being an open port, they realise - no rationing. Suddenly very aware of just how hungry they are, they quickly load up a tray full of food, but are then faced with the dilemma of where to sit in the packed hall. It's like high school all over again and they're the new kid.

However, as they scan the room they spot a hand waving at them. It's one of the other pilots, one half of the married couple, Lance and Hunk. As they approach the table, Pidge wonders which is which, but they don't have to wonder for long.

"Hey, take a seat. There's plenty of room here. I'm Hunk, by the way."

The big guy extends his massive hand to Pidge with a friendly smile. They carefully set down their tray before shaking it.

"Pidge. Good to meet you," they say as they take a seat next to him.

"So, _you're_ gonna be Keith's new co-pilot?" the other guy, who must therefore be Lance, says while stabbing aggressively at his food with a fork. "I hope you're not too attached to your arms."

"Lance!" Hunk scolds, looking distressed.

"You don't think much of Keith's piloting skills?" Pidge asks calmly as they tuck into their own food. "I heard he took down two Kaiju."

"Oh yeah," Lance responds sarcastically, "he's _quite_ the hero."

Now that they're up close, Pidge can see that Lance has tattoos on his upper arms on both sides. On the left side there are a couple of rows of stylised skulls visible below the sleeve of his shirt. They're decorated with elaborate patterns, like those little candy skulls that Pidge would associate with the Mexican Day of the Dead festival. On the right side there's a larger image, but they can only see the bottom half of it, so it's hard to tell exactly what it's supposed to be.

"Interesting tatts," they comment, gesturing with their fork.

Lance responds in Spanish, which Pidge doesn't understand, but it sounds like a question. At their confused look he switches back to English, asking, "You know Santa Muerte?"

He pulls up his right sleeve so that Pidge can see the whole tattoo. They recognise the image now, a skeleton woman draped in long robes and surrounded by a saintly glow.

"I know _of_ her," they answer carefully, not sure if there's something they're missing here.

"Have you ever piloted before?" Hunk interjects suddenly. He looks kind of anxious, like maybe the conversation was headed in a direction that worried him and his question was an attempt to try and steer it back to safer topics.

"No, not outside of a simulator. I'm a Jaeger engineer, not a pilot," Pidge lies. They're in no mood to discuss their previous career as a Ranger.

Lance laughs at their declaration, getting up from his seat. He hasn't finished his food, but clearly he's not going to.

"Well, if Pícara stubs her toe on the seabed, I'll be sure to give you a call," he says sarcastically, before turning on his heel and swanning off without looking back.

Hunk sighs. "I apologise for my husband. He's not always like this."

"For your sake," Pidge says through a mouthful of food, "I really hope not."

-

Pidge gets back to their quarters just in time to find Keith about to knock on the door. Apparently they've got some time to kill while the technicians finish preparing Black for the Drift test. Shiro suggested the two of them spend some time in the Kwoon Room, to 'try and establish a dialogue' outside of the Jaeger.

That sounds good to Pidge, so they follow Keith to the room. Like the crew quarters, it's not dissimilar to what they've seen elsewhere, quite bare and utilitarian, with a large mat covering most of the floor.

"You've been through Ranger combat training?" Keith asks as he starts unlacing his boots.

"Yep."

"So I don't need to go easy on you?"

Pidge grins at him. "I won't hold back if you don't."

They take off their glasses, sweater and boots, and do a few quick warm-up stretches before stepping onto the mat. They mirror Keith's bow before adopting a fighting stance.

Despite what they both said, they do take it easy to start off with, or at least what Pidge considers to be easy. Each punch and kick is neatly matched by a sturdy block, the rhythm feeling quite natural to them, more like a dance than a fight.

There's no sign of Keith's trademark unpredictability, but Pidge senses that he's just testing them. He's seeing how fast they can move and how freely, probably mentally cataloguing any weak spots. They manage to avoid his first attempt at a grab, twisting out of reach with relative ease.

The two of them start circling one another, both looking for an opening, a chance to bring the other down to grappling level. Pidge always enjoyed the judo-based elements of their combat training, since the throwing and grappling techniques suited their small stature. It was always particularly satisfying to bring down a larger opponent. 

Tired of circling, Pidge moves in, taking the risk. They're swiftly rewarded by being thrown down onto the mat. They manage to grab onto Keith as they fall, and they roll together, but he still manages to get the upper hand and trap them in an armbar. Pidge taps the mat quickly to request their release.

No sooner are they back on their feet than they're returning the favour, dumping Keith unceremoniously onto his back before locking both their legs around one of his. Pidge applies just enough pressure to force him to twist up and tap out. But far from being frustrated, they see that he looks _pleased_ once they're up and facing one another again.

Keith comes at them _fast_ then, and the two of them resume their earlier dance at an accelerated pace. Pidge continues to match him blow for blow, block for block, step for step, twisting and ducking just out of reach of his strikes. There's a moment where they think they might have successfully caused him to overbalance, but he twists gracefully into the fall and a moment later Pidge finds his legs locked around their neck.

They both go down, rolling and tumbling together. Pidge manages to get free Keith's legs, but now the two of them are basically just wrestling, and every time Pidge manages to find their feet, Keith quickly brings them back down onto the mat again.

Eventually they manage to fight their way on top of him, pulling themselves up to sit on his chest and kneeling on his arms to pin them down. They stare down at him, breathing hard, their hands flat on the floor on either side of his head. They go still, eyes locked on Keith's, feeling strangely vulnerable under his gaze but unable to look away.

There's something familiar in his expression, something they recognise but can't quite place...

Then they feel the edge of his foot pressing against the side of their face, forcing them to turn their head.

It's then that they realise that the two of them have gained a little audience. Three out of four of their fellow Jaeger pilots are standing beside the edge of the mat on the far side of the room near the entryway.

"Oh, don't mind us!" Hunk calls to them, a note of amusement in his voice. "Just pretend we're not here." Next to him Shay tries to suppress a giggle. Her brother Rax looks less impressed, but his glare has softened a little from the look he gave Pidge earlier.

They look back down at Keith quickly, before rising to their feet and releasing him. He follows suit, taking their hand when they offer it to help him up.

"Let's take a break," they say by way of explanation. "Gotta save some for the Kaiju."

They catch a nod of acknowledgement from Keith out of the corner of their eye, but don't wait for further conversation, as they snatch up their things and head for the exit. They hear voices behind them, Hunk and Keith talking, but don't look back until they hear their name being called.

Keith jogs to catch up with them, slowing once they turn to face him.

"That was..." He seems to be struggling to find the right word, his brow creased in a frustrated frown. "Who are you, really?"

Pidge takes a breath and shrugs. "In a few minutes time you're gonna be in my head. Then maybe you can tell me."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1) As I said in the notes at the beginning of the chapter, Lance is a Cuban Mexican immigrant in this story. He became involved with the Church of Santa Muerte after his family settled in Mexico (having left Cuba under difficult circumstances), due in part to its association with the LGBT community there. He and Hunk were married by the Church right after they graduated from the Jaeger Academy.
> 
> 2) I think Pidge being bad at Spanish (despite mastering other languages) is going to become a bit of a running joke in my fics. Also applies here to Portuguese, which is what Allura and Haggar are speaking.


	3. After destruction came the light

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In this chapter, warnings for death, trauma, grief, bad language, brief violence, and mention of violent amputation.

In the Drivesuit Room it seems like Keith has taken Pidge’s words to heart, because he barely spares them a glance as they change into their circuitry suit. As the techs help them into the outer armour, Pidge notes that while the plain black suit is somewhat different from their old one, it seems to fit just fine. Presumably the PPDC kept records of their measurements, and they haven't actually grown that much in the last few years. But the fact that the new Drivesuit - tailored to their specifications, including the flattened breastplate - is ready for them so soon after their arrival in Hong Kong suggests that Shiro planned ahead.

He's certainly betting a lot on their success.

Keith's armour is slightly more interesting, with dark blue and grey sections, and electric purple seams breaking up the otherwise entirely black suit. It's the same design that Shiro and Sendak used to wear. Pidge spares a moment to think about Shiro's old partner. From the reports, it looks like they never conclusively proved how much piloting Black was to blame for his illness. Of course, the doctors' job wasn't exactly made easy by the fact that Sendak didn't report his ill health until he was practically dead. It must've been a helluva a secret to keep from the PPDC.

"I'll take the right side," Pidge says, returning to the present as they step into the Conn-Pod.

Keith raises an eyebrow. "No, I'll take the right. It's the dominant side, remember? Not really recommended for rookies."

"I'm taking the right side," Pidge grits out without even looking at him. Out of the corner of their eye, they see Keith open his mouth to argue.

"Let them take the right side," comes Shiro's voice through the comms in their helmets.

"Fine," Keith mutters, heading around to the left side. "It's your funeral. Just remember, we're not in a simulator any more. Don't chase the rabbit."

He looks over at them for confirmation that they understand what he means and Pidge nods in response. Keith seems content with that and doesn't try to lecture them further.

Once they're both in position and all connected up, Coran announces the initiation of the neural handshake. Pidge could probably still do the setup process in their sleep, the habits are that thoroughly ingrained. But the Drift itself is _rough_.

It's not that either of them have any problem tuning out the memories; they've both Drifted before. But the weight of their combined traumas is still palpable to Pidge, even in the real-life seconds that it takes them to align.

Coran's voice overlaps with that of Black's AI, as he congratulates them both over the comm; everything's in order. Pidge doesn't have to look at Keith to know their first move. They both simply shift into a fighting stance, fists balled and raised in readiness, and Black moves smoothly with them.

As they begin working their way through the various stances of Jaeger Bushido, Coran continues to offer words of encouragement. They make it through 50 of the 52 positions before the shit hits the proverbial fan.

Pidge can't tell which one of them the triggering memory comes from, but the flash of recollection and pain disorientates them both. Caught off guard, Keith sinks into a memory and instinctively Pidge follows. So many of their memories and Matt's were the same, just viewed from different angles. Neither of them ever attempted any degree of separation; it always seemed unnecessary.

But this is not anything Pidge has seen before. They do recognise Tokyo, though, and that at least gives them context for what they're witnessing. A younger version of Keith kneels in the ruins of a collapsed building, scrambling to clear the rubble. He's covered in dust, tear trails clearly visible slicing down his cheeks.

Pidge reaches for him, about to call out to him, but then the scene just... flows away. Like a branch pulled downstream, it disappears from view, carried away in the incomprehensibly fast time-lapsed river of blue-grey memories. And in its place, another moment comes into focus. The street is quiet, empty, as Shiro moves towards them, pulling off his helmet before he crouches down in front of Keith.

"You're safe now, OK? It's-the Kaiju, it's dead."

Then suddenly the scene becomes warped. Light turns to darkness, pale grey to cavernous black, and instead of stillness, the rushing of water fills Pidge's ears. They can still see Shiro's face, but it's no longer softened with concern. Now it's contorted in pain.

"Shiro! Shiro, hold on! _Shiro!_ " Keith's voice blends with Pidge's own, repeatedly calling their name, "Matt! Matt, no- Please just-! _Matt!_ "

Then, white. Blinding.

They're back on the beach. Cold. Quiet. Alone. The water curls around their legs as they drop into the sand, the snow crunching under their armour. Their hands shake as they try to cup them together, to gather some of the water up. It takes several attempts before they manage to spill any onto Matt's face. They don't think that they'll be able to remove the armour, the circuitry suit. The thought of handling the- the body- it fills them with nausea. And besides, it would take far too long. They're already taking too long-

Then they're gone. For how long, they don't know. A few seconds? A minute? A half hour? Too long. It's taking them too long. They need to work faster. Matt deserves that much. More than anyone, Matt deserves that much.

Again, they cup their trembling hands together, attempting to gather and pour the seawater. First, wash the- wash the-

Their head spins sickeningly and they fight to stay upright. They have to. They're the only one who can, the only one left to bury-

First, wash the body.

Their own body responds that they can't. Too cold. Hurts. They ignore it. They have to continue. They manage to pour two more small handfuls of water before they decide to move on. It's enough. It has to be enough. They've barely gotten started. Now they need a shroud. Something clean and simple.

The beach stretches out on either side of them, white and empty, save for the Jaeger's torn up carcass. There's nothing they can use. No, there has to be something. They try to rise to their feet and end up stumbling. They try again. Each step feels like it takes all of their remaining strength, but they keep moving. Got to reach the-

Gone again. The realisation of time lost hits them. How long have they been standing in the snow? _How long?!_ The feeling a panic propels them forward, staggering the rest of the way back to the Conn-Pod that they dragged their sibling out of earlier. They need to find something, something they can use as a shroud. What could they possibly...?

They look up, their eyes lighting on the metal mesh hanging out of the edge of the wound in the Jaeger's head. It's not a shroud. Not even close. But it will have to do. Pulling it free proves difficult, though. They have no cutting tools and their limbs are tired and numb. The edge of the mesh cuts into their gloves where they've hooked their fingers in it.

They black out briefly again before their tugging finally pulls free a scrap of the mesh. Somewhere in the back of their brain, they curse, both at the pain and their clumsiness as they land on their butt in the snow.

Just a little longer. They force themselves to their feet once more, dragging the mesh over to their still, silent sibling. As carefully as they can, they pull the mesh up to cover the b- Matt. At this point they pause. They should say something, but they cannot remember any of the relevant prayers. They're completely unprepared...

Still, they have to finish it.

They dig their fingers into the snow, into the sand beneath, tearing up handfuls and tossing them aside. Their body aches, the cold seeping in through the torn fabric of the circuitry suit. But the burning of their abused muscles keeps them awake, reminds them that they're still alive. And as long as they're alive, they can dig.

"Pidge!" a voice calls out. "Pidge, stop!"

They look up to see a young man walking towards them, his palms raised appeasingly.

"How-" Their voice comes out hoarse, strained. "How do you know that name?" The only person who knows that name is... They can't bring themselves to look down at the face covered by mesh. "Who are you?"

The man frowns, incredulous. "It's me, Keith. Don't you-?"

They don't understand what's happening, but it doesn't matter.

"I have to finish," they say and start to dig again, but Keith grabs hold of their arm, wrenching their hand out of the snow.

"No," he says forcefully.

They shove him back, hard, and he falls in the snow. They keep their right hand raised, a warning that he should stay back, and continue to dig with their left. They have to finish this.

"Pidge, please! This is just a _memory!_ You're not really here. You're in a Jaeger with me." He reaches for them again, more cautiously this time. "It's _done_ , Pidge. You already did this."

They hesitate, their hand stilling in the sand.

"I..." _I failed._

Their right arm drops to their side, useless.

"It's over, Katie."

Reality pours back into their mind like water into a boat with a hole in the bottom, the sound of alarms blaring suddenly real and loud all around them. They're disconnected from Black, bracing themselves against Keith's arm when he offers it.

They feel hollowed out by grief, exhausted.

It's over.

-

Pidge can't get out of there fast enough. Thankfully there's no need for decontamination, since they haven't actually interacted with any Kaiju, and the Drivesuit technicians work fast. Pidge doesn't talk to them, doesn't say anything to anyone. Just as soon as they've pulled on enough clothes to be considered decent, they're out the door.

They start down the corridor on the left without really thinking about where they're going and soon realise that they're lost. They cast about for any signs to give them direction.

"Pidge, wait!" a voice calls out to them, coming down the corridor after them.

"Leave me alone, Hunk," they respond sharply.

They just want to leave; to go back to the Wall, to go anywhere but here. This whole thing was a mistake. Shiro was crazy to think that pairing them with Keith would actually work out. They _are_ Drift compatible, no doubt about that, but it's not enough. Given time maybe they could make it work, but none of them have any time left.

"Please, just-" Hunk finally catches up to them, reaching out to place a hand on their shoulder. "You're leaving, right? I just want to talk to you before you go. We've kinda got our backs against the wall here and you, you've got a lot of combat experience, and I just think... maybe I could benefit from some advice..."

Pidge sighs. "OK, fine." It's not like they have anything better to do.

They follow Hunk back to his and Lance's quarters. The room is no different from the one Pidge was given, though the double bed takes up more of the space. Hunk hurriedly collects up the books scattered across the floor and bed, which range from small dog-eared paperbacks to thick technical manuals.

There's not much decoration in the room, so the colourful setup on the desk against the wall catches Pidge's eye. It looks almost like a little shrine, or maybe an altar? Standing on top of a piece of patterned cloth, clustered around a small statue of Santa Muerte are an assortment of candles, bottles, flowers, pieces of fruit and wrapped candies. The arrangement appears haphazard, save for the row of brightly coloured skulls lined up at the front.

Pidge thinks back to their earlier conversation with Lance and the tattoos he sported. Again, they get the nagging feeling that they're missing some important piece of info here. They shake their head, dismissing the thought.

Hunk catches their eye, gesturing for them to sit on the bed before taking a seat himself in the chair by the desk. He hands them an A4 folder, filled with thin cards. Cautiously, Pidge opens it. Then they smile.

The cards are copies of PPDC dossiers, one for each Jaeger. By the time the first Mark-3's were being launched, these cards had already reached the status of collectors items. Matt used to joke about how, if Pidge kept collecting them, they could sell them to create a retirement fund. But of course they left the cards behind along with everything else when they left the PPDC, so they never actually got to complete their collection. It looks like Hunk just might have, though.

He quietly clears his throat. "It took me a little while to figure out where I recognised you from. It wasn't until I saw you with your glasses off in the Kwoon Room that it finally clicked."

Pidge flips back to the first card in the folder, out of place in the otherwise chronologically ordered collection. Presumably Hunk took it out to look at it earlier and ended up putting it back in a hurry. The Jaeger depicted on the card is Intellect Daredevil and the pilots are listed as Katie and Matthew Holt.

"I'm sorry about your sibling," Hunk says quietly.

Pidge bites the inside of their cheek gently, before they look up and ask, "So what made you decide to become a Jaeger pilot?"

"Lance," Hunk answers, with a smile that's half fond and half frustrated. "He had his heart set on becoming a pilot and somehow he talked me into it. He kept saying how he was sure we were Drift compatible." He grins ruefully, shaking his head. "I was just scared that us Drifting together would make him realise that he didn't really love me after all. Turned out he was worried about the same thing, from me. Even though he'd already proposed at that point and of course I'd said yes. But we Drifted just fine and have done ever since. In and out of the Jaeger." His grin grows a little brighter.

Pidge nods. "When we started our training, Matt was still convinced that they were gonna follow in our mother's footsteps and study Kaiju. And all _I_ wanted was to build Jaegers!" They let out a little huff of amusement, shaking their head at their past self. "But our compatibility was just too good to waste."

It hadn't been a surprise. Siblings weren't always Drift compatible, but twins invariably were. Even so, their connection had been exceptional. They'd experienced a significant amount of ghosting between deployments, including some shared dreams. It was part of the reason they'd agreed to dispense with separate genders before the end of their first year on watch. It had become confusing trying to work out who was what; both of them being neutral had felt much more natural.

"You made a helluva team," Hunk agrees. Then, after a pause, he asks, "How was it with Keith? I mean, from where I was standing it all looked pretty slick. Aside from, y'know, going weapons hot inside the Shatterdome." He grins disarmingly, anxiously rubbing at the back of his neck.

"The Drift was definitely strong," Pidge answers, swallowing their embarrassment as it dawns on them just how their little trip down memory lane must've looked to those watching outside the Jaeger. "But between the two of us, there's just too much mess to sort through. I mean, I've still got Matt's memories rattling around inside my head, because we were still connected when they- when they died."

They scrub a hand over their face. Shit, they're a mess. They can't even talk about it without stuttering.

"I dunno," Hunk says. "Even after what I saw just now, I know I'd feel a lot happier if you two were with us for this mission. We could really use Black watching our backs out there."

-

At Hunk's gentle but firm insistence, Pidge agrees to at least go and talk to Shiro before they leave. When the two of them round the corner onto the corridor where Shiro's quarters are, they find Keith pacing restlessly outside the door. Pidge can hear Shiro and Lance arguing inside.

"We've all got our traumas, Shiro, but _we_ don't go chasing after them while we're in a Jaeger. How am I supposed to do my job when any minute they could start shooting at _me_ instead of the Kaiju?!"

Shiro says something in response that Pidge can't quite make out, his voice too low to be heard. Lance responds loudly in Spanish, which they don't understand. Then before they can ask Hunk for a translation, the door opens and Lance steps out. His eyes narrow as they light on first Keith and then Pidge. Shiro peers out around the door.

"Hunk, could I have a word, please."

Hunk heads past Pidge and disappears into Shiro's quarters. Shiro closes the door again behind him.

"I thought maybe you'd decided to do us all a favour and make yourself scarce," Lance sneers, bringing Pidge's attention back to him.

Pidge shrugs. "I changed my mind."

"Well, I suggest you change it _back_ ," Lance responds icily.

"Hey, leave them alone!" Keith cuts in, moving to stand between them and Lance.

Lance scoffs. "Oh, _now_ you're a team all of a sudden." Then he says something else in Spanish, his lip curling in disgust as he speaks.

"I'm sorry," Pidge says angrily, stepping around Keith, "I don't speak Spanish."

"Oh really? Well, let me provide you with a little translation," Lance says, stepping up to them and leaning in so they can hear his next words quite clearly. "I said, 'you two couldn't synchronise if you were face to face and fucking each other'."

Pidge doesn't think; their fingers just curl into a tight fist, which connects smoothly with Lance's jaw, hard enough to make him stagger. They pull their hand back to hit him again, but Keith grabs their arm to stop them.

"Don't..."

"Did you hear what he just said?!" Pidge spits.

"Yeah, I didn't need the translation," Keith says quickly and takes a swing at Lance himself. This time he falls back against the corridor wall, clutching his nose. Pidge moves to Keith's side, fists raised in a mirror of his stance, ready to go a-

"HEY!" Shiro's shout cuts through their thoughts. Pidge turns to see his features darkened with fury.

Hunk rushes to Lance's side, gently cradling his husband's face in his hands as he carefully inspects his injuries.

"Hunk, take care of him," Shiro says briskly. "You two," he points at Pidge and Keith with two fingers, "my office. _Now._ "

-

Apparently Shiro's 'office' is really just his quarters, which are a lot bigger than everyone else's. One of the perks of promotion, Pidge guesses. They take a seat in a chair next to Keith. Shiro remains standing in front of them.

"What the hell was that?!" he demands, teeth bared angrily around the words.

Pidge exchanges a look with Keith.

"I believe it's what they call 'teamwork', _Sir_."

Shiro opens his mouth, then quickly closes it again. He huffs a sharp, exasperated breath. Pidge looks up at him patiently, keeping their face pointedly composed. Keith is biting his bottom lip in an apparent effort to keep the smirk off his face.

"You could've seriously injured Lance," Shiro says finally, switching tack instead of attempting to address their smartassery. "Everyone in this Shatterdome is essential to the mission. We can't afford to turn on each other."

"Lance started it!" Keith responds defiantly.

"I don't care who started it. You're Rangers, you need to act like it."

"Does that mean you're still going to let us ride?" Pidge asks, then at Shiro's pointed look adds, "Sir?"

"It means I'm considering letting you ride the pine, as a backup. Two Jaegers will be enough."

"With all due respect, Sir, we-"

"I don't need your opinion, Gunderson," Shiro says coolly. "Like it or not, I am the commanding officer here and I've made my decision."

Pidge sighs angrily, but when they look over at Keith, he's wearing quite a different expression. He looks almost... heartbroken.

"Can I go?" he asks quietly.

"... You're dismissed," Shiro says more gently and Keith very quickly gets up and leaves.

Pidge goes to follow, but Shiro's command stops them: "Not you."

Pidge raises an eyebrow. "Sir?"

"What happened in there?" he asks, a little of the anger in his frown melting into concern.

Pidge takes a breath, running their hand through their hair. "You're asking me? We both went out of alignment, got sucked in by memories, chased right after that rabbit." They pause, studying Shiro's face for a moment. "I saw Tokyo. But Keith, he found his way back. No, he found _you_." They narrow their eyes at Shiro. "To be able to deliberately navigate through memories like that... He's done it before, hasn't he?"

Shiro doesn't answer right away. Slowly he makes his way over, stepping past Pidge, and props himself up against the desk behind them. They turn in their chair to face him.

"I don't know how much you saw, but... Keith struggled with a lot of guilt over his parents' deaths. He was just fifteen when they died. His mother was in Tokyo for a business meeting that day, and Keith and his father had decided to tag along. They were planning to spend the rest of the day in the city together.

"When the siren went off, Keith's mother was evacuated with the rest of her colleagues, but she went back in to look for Keith and his father. Keith had stopped to put his sneakers on and his father had stayed behind with him. Keith had only just got outside when the building came down. The Kaiju hit it on its way past.

"Keith tried to dig his parents out, but I think they were already dead at that point. When the Kaiju turned round and its shadow fell over him, he ran into the street. That's where Sendak and I found him."

Shiro takes a breath and Pidge turns more fully in their seat, so that they can see him better.

"For years after, Keith had nightmares about it every time he fell asleep. And as a result, he developed crippling insomnia," Shiro explains. "But when I became an instructor at the Academy and we moved out to Kodiak Island, we met a doctor who'd been working counselling Jaeger pilots."

Pidge nods. They were sent to a facility on the island for counselling after Matt's death. 

Shiro continues, "She was experimenting with using Drift technology to allow people to confront traumatic memories. She offered to treat Keith; off the books, of course, since the treatment hadn't been officially approved yet."

"So, he Drifted long before he ever became a Jaeger pilot?" Pidge asks.

"Yeah. But without a Jaeger, it was very different," Shiro says. "We're taught to tune out our memories, to find silence in the Drift. But with nothing to connect to after the initial neutral handshake, you're just left treading water in the memories. You need an anchor to stop you getting caught up in the current."

"And that was you," Pidge says. "You were his anchor."

Shiro nods. "To start with, I Drifted with him. If a memory became too much for him to handle, I'd be there to pull him out. But the doctor wanted to develop a way for him to manage on his own. So she got Keith to choose a specific memory to use as like... an evac point, in case of emergency. If he felt overwhelmed, all he had to do was find that memory and from there he'd be able to find his way back to reality."

"And that memory was you rescuing him in Tokyo?" Pidge asks. "That was the memory he trained his mind to return to. Only one problem..." Shiro looks at them questioningly. "It didn't work."

Shiro frowns. "He couldn't get back there?"

"No, he returned to that memory just fine. But then he got completely blindsided by another one! You were in a Jaeger, Shiro. You were in trouble, drowning." Shiro nods like he knows what they're talking about, so Pidge presses on, "You said something happened during your last deployment together, when you lost your arm?"

"Right," Shiro says. "We'd used up all our ammo, but the Kaiju just wouldn't die, so we had to use a chain-blade. But once we got close, the Kaiju latched onto Black. It had these- I don't even know what you'd call them- these curved spikes that pierced straight through the hull. And when we finally did kill the damn thing, the spikes didn't retract. We couldn't shake the damn thing off.

"It was a Category-4, a big one, so when it went down, so did we. I'd stupidly disconnected from my harness, thinking I'd go take a look at the damage. When we fell my arm got trapped under some of the debris and with all the holes the hull, the water started pouring in fast. Keith tried to shift the piece of metal that had pinned me down, but it wouldn't budge."

"Wait, so he-"

"He cut through my arm. Saved my life."

"Fuck," Pidge exclaims loudly. "How did he even have the strength to-?! _Under water-?!_ "

"How did you take down a Kaiju _and_ manage to get your Jaeger back to shore all on your own?" Shiro counters, trying to meet their eyes.

Shit. He's got them there.

"I had to," Pidge answers quietly, avoiding his gaze.

Shiro is silent for a moment before he continues, "Keith did what he had to. And I'm really glad that he did, because otherwise I'd be dead. But he... he still thinks it's his fault."

"Which is why that memory came crashing down on him like a wave when he was put under pressure," Pidge concludes. "Makes sense."

"What about you, though?" Shiro presses. "You said you both went out of alignment. Keith found his way back, but you-"

"Didn't," Pidge finishes for him. They look over at the door. "How much did they tell you? About my last deployment, I mean?"

In their peripheral vision, they see Shiro shake his head. "Coran... Coran said that you were incoherent when they found you. They think you suffered at least one seizure, probably more, from the solo piloting. But you refused to leave the beach. When they tried to force you, you somehow fought back. It wasn't until you passed out that they were able to move you."

"It wasn't the beach," Pidge corrects. "It was Matt. I couldn't leave them."

"There wasn't anything you could've done. Matt was already-"

"I know. That's not what-" They sigh, frustrated. "You're not supposed to leave the body alone. It got- It got all mixed up in my head. I couldn't think straight. I just kept fixating on-" They stop, realising suddenly that they're crying. "After Dad was killed, Mom handled all the arrangements; when she died, Matt took care of everything. I never learned- never paid attention- I couldn't remember how to..."

Shiro stands, reaching for them, but they move away. They don't want to be comforted.

"I didn't think you still cared about any of that," Shiro says carefully. "After your mom passed, Matt said the two of you decided you were done with-"

"It's not-" Pidge interrupts. "It doesn't..." They rub angrily at their eyes. "I don't want to talk about this."

"Sorry," Shiro says sincerely. "I know I can't understand what you went through."

"I have a question," Pidge says, looking up at him again, hoping to change the subject.

"Go ahead."

"What the hell is Lance's problem?"

Shiro opens his mouth to answer, but all that comes out is a weary sigh, and Pidge's irritation immediately cools. It's bad, they can tell.

"Lance comes from a big family," Shiro says at last. "When they left Cuba for Mexico, it was supposed to be a chance to start over. But then the Kaiju showed up and changed everything. The family couldn't afford to move to the safe zone, so they had to take their chances." Shiro takes a long, steadying breath. "You've seen the tattoos on Lance's left arm?"

"The skulls?"

"Yes, _calaveras_. One for each person he's lost. There are eleven in total."

Pidge hisses another curse. _Eleven?!_

"I think it's fair to say Lance has got a vested interest in the success of this mission," Shiro finishes.

"Right," Pidge says, nodding. "Can't have me or Keith screwing it up."

"You're not going to screw anything up," Shiro says gently. "I meant what I said about Black acting as backup. If things go south - and let's be honest, the chances of that happening are pretty high - I need you both to be ready."

"We will," Pidge assures him.

They meet Shiro's eyes then, and the silence seems to stretch impossibly between them. He still trusts them, is still betting on them, even after everything that's happened. He must be really desperate.

"Katie..." he starts, oh-so-quietly, like he's afraid uttering the name will spook them. "I... I missed you."

Before Pidge can respond to that loaded statement, the siren sounds.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1) The _calaveras_ , decorated skulls representing the dead, aren't supposed to be morbid or sad. They're part of a celebration of the life of a deceased person, in a positive sense. But in my mind, Lance is torn between wanting to honour and celebrate his family, and the pain he's still feeling from their loss. So he was trying represent something positive with his tattoos, but his grief and anger have bled into his actions and distorted it.
> 
> 2) Lance trying to take comfort in his religion is meant to contrast with Pidge's disassociation from theirs, and how they ended up partially returning to it when they lost Matt.
> 
> 3) The PPDC psychologists that evaluated them speculated that, left to their own devices, one or both of the Holt siblings would've likely developed a gender neutral or genderfluid identity anyway, and that Drifting together just sped up the process.
> 
> 4) Since I don't think it's mentioned anywhere else: Sam Holt died during K-Day, when Pidge and Matt were 14 years old. Colleen Holt's response to her husband's death was to join the efforts to study the Kaiju, in the hopes of understanding the attack and preventing future tragedies. She consequently died from exposure to Kaiju Blue, leaving the Kaiju effectively responsible for the deaths of both of the Holt siblings' parents.


	4. Gotta work it out on the way down

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In this chapter, warnings for Jaeger-Kaiju battle violence, including some brief gore, and implied off-screen character deaths.

Pidge follows Shiro to the main LOCCENT hub, where Coran is waiting for them.

"Report," Shiro says briskly, not wasting any time on pleasantries.

"It's a double-event," Coran responds, "Two Kaiju, just as Allura predicted."

Allura must be one of the scientists Pidge encountered earlier. Clearly she knew what she was talking about if she predicted this. Pidge figured the attacks would escalate somehow, but they weren't expecting two Kaiju. That means Shiro will have to send out at least two Jaegers.

They grab Shiro's sleeve to get his attention, earning themselves a withering look.

"Is Black going to sit this one out?" they ask quickly.

"I'm going to brief ever-"

"Yes or no?!" Pidge cuts him off urgently.

"Yes! But you- Hey! Where d'you think you're going?!"

Pidge ignores him. He's not going to follow them and they're wasting time. They brush past Keith in the entryway. He moves aside to let them past without them asking, but calls after them, "Where are you going?"

"To find a terminal I can work at."

"What? Why?" Keith jogs to catch up with them.

Not answering him, Pidge continues down the corridor, opening doors until they find an empty monitoring room. Rushing in, they drop into a chair quickly and switch on the computer terminal, their knee bouncing anxiously as they will the machine to boot faster.

"What are we doing here?" Keith tries again, placing his hands on the back of the chair and leaning over them.

"I need to get a better look at them."

"The Kaiju?" Keith guesses correctly.

"Yes."

Pidge starts typing the moment the login screen appears, then waits, poised, for an agonising few seconds until the GUI loads.

"When did they give you a login for the Shatterdome's system?" Keith asks, leaning over their left shoulder to frown at them.

"Didn't."

"But-"

Pidge holds up a hand to silence him, typing in a few more commands to pull up the programs that they need, before sitting back again to give things a moment to load. This system is so slow!

"Why d'you need to see the Kaiju?" Keith asks. He's being surprisingly patient with them.

Pidge heaves a deep sigh and reaches up to rub at their nose. "Matt had a theory- Well, technically our mother had it first, but Matt subscribed to it too. They thought that the Kaiju weren't a natural occurrence, that they were _designed_ to be living weapons."

"OK..." Keith says, sounding somewhat dubious.

Pidge begins typing again. They're going to need as many reference points as they can get. The Shatterdome has limited outdoor surveillance; it's not like they're looking to do a live broadcast of Kaiju attacks. There are helicopters already in the air and they'll have a pretty good view, but it's difficult to get a consistent feed when they're constantly moving. There are plenty of cameras around the docks, should the Kaiju manage to get that close (which seems like a pretty safe bet), but locating and accessing them all will take time.

"Right," Pidge says as they kick off a scan. "So, what do designs have?"

"Flaws?" Keith ventures.

Pidge turns to grin at him. "Yeah, and we'll get to that in a minute. But, you design something big and dangerous, you gotta have a way to shut it down if something goes wrong."

"Like a kill switch?"

"Or a reset button, something like that."

"Are you saying that if we shoot the right spot, the Kaiju will just... shut down?"

Now Keith is really starting to look incredulous. Pidge can only imagine how crazy this must all sound to him.

"It's never quite that simple, but that's the gist of it. Sometimes it's a particular spot you need to hit, sometimes it's just an area where their skin or armour's weaker, or can be weakened. Point is, they all have vulnerabilities. Once you find them, you can take 'em down."

"But every Kaiju's different, right?" Keith insists. "So the weak spot's gonna be in a different place every time. How are you supposed to find it fast enough to stop them?"

Pidge selects a couple of promising feeds and opens them up to start tackling the security. They should just be up against automated defences and not other people, with everyone heading to the shelters. 

"It's kind of hard to explain," they continue talking as they type. "But me and Matt, we got really good at it. It's why our battles were always so short. Once we located the weakness, it was game over."

"So what went wrong?"

And there's the question. Pidge bites their lip.

"Somehow they got wise to us. The Kaiju kept adapting to our weapons, our strategies, and I think... I think they targeted us, targeted Intellect. We were racking up kills, so they had to take us out. Lobo was designed to be a match for Intellect, to take us down before we could figure out how to stop it. It was too fast-"

Their voice cracks and they fall silent. They feel Keith's hand on their shoulder, squeezing gently, reassuring.

"But you did manage to kill it, on your own."

"Matt found it," Pidge responds, their voice a whisper. "Right before they died, they figured it out. And we were still connected..."

"So you knew it too," Keith finishes.

-

The two Kaiju - designated Backslider and Moloch by Coran - both reach the miracle mile in record time, and things go south pretty fast after that. Pidge suspected that their enemy would up their game somehow, even if they stayed within the limits of Category-4, but again, as with the double-event, they didn't anticipate this specific development.

When the power cuts out and the monitoring room is plunged into darkness, they know _why_ almost immediately. But it takes a few moments before they can accept the truth.

"What- What did it do?" Keith demands as the emergency lights flicker on.

"EMP," Pidge responds.

"But the Jaegers..."

"Are both digital," they finish for him as they rise from their seat. "Digital systems. They're dead in the water."

Turns out two can play at this game. While they were trying to work out how to disable the Kaiju, their designers had already figured out the key element needed to effectively shut down the Jaegers.

Keith follows them without prompting back to the main LOCCENT hub.

"Marshal?" Pidge asks as they enter, anticipating the order to join the fight. Black's really their only hope now; the last nuclear-powered, analogue Jaeger. Pidge appreciates the irony.

Shiro looks up from the display in front of him, his eyes hard and sharp as slate.

"Firefly's gone," he says simply. "But Pícara's still out there." He looks from Pidge to Keith. "Go."

-

"You take the right side."

Keith shoots Pidge a questioning look as they move around to the left side of the platform this time.

"Are you sure?" he asks. "I thought you always took the right."

"I'm sure." Pidge smiles. "It's time to change things up."

Satisfied with that explanation, Keith gives them a little nod of acknowledgement as he steps into position.

This time the Drift is different. There are no distractions, no second glances. Only the silence of the Drift, and two minds fused into one, calm and ready.

It feels right.

By the time Black drops into the water, everything is starting to come together. Only one of the Kaiju, Backslider, remains in the harbour; the other one, the pilots are informed over their comms, has headed into the city. Ironically, with the Kaiju standing right in front of them, their view is quite limited. But between them and Keith, Pidge is confident that they have a wealth of data to draw upon: every possible angle and view and perspective and impression and triggered association.

As Black breaks into a jog, Pidge marvels at how smoothly the Jaeger moves. So different from Intellect, with her hair-trigger reactions, where your every movement had to be exact and precisely calculated, unless you wanted to accidentally overreach and faceplant into the ocean. Black feels less like a machine and more like a living extension of their bodies as the two of them move in perfect synch; one mind, two hands.

The Kaiju turns away from Pícara's darkened, hunched over figure to face them, looking almost smug on the projection in the Conn-Pod. It won't try to dodge or get away; it's built to _withstand_ , not to retreat.

Meanwhile, inside Pidge and Keith's shared Headspace, time seems to fold in on itself. A cat reaches up, claws extended from the ends of its toes. Cloaked in dusty shadows, the underside of a sofa tears. A small bird's speckled breast heaves rapidly. Blood wells up from a tiny hole in skin, like oil rising up from the ground where a drill has pierced it. Rabbit skin tears free of limply hanging pink flesh.

Back on the outside, Pidge and Keith cry out together as they strain to draw the chain-blade downward, muscles screaming, grips white-knuckled. Backslider, thankfully caught off-guard by such a direct attack, now tries to wrench itself free of the weapon. But Black's claws are in deep, hooked behind the crest on the left side of the creature's face, right in the soft spot just on the inside of its jawbone. Together they brace the blade against the Kaiju's movements, let it strain the seam of its own neck to the point of-

It tears so suddenly that they almost overbalance the Jaeger and fall, as Black's right arm is flung back, abruptly turning the Jaeger's whole body sideways, left arm fully extended back to where her claws are still embedded in the Kaiju's face. It screams, or rather, it tries to, its bottom jaw hanging down uselessly.

Recovering, they retract the chain-blade and brace Black's right hand against the top of the Kaiju's head. The moment Black's claws are free of its flesh, the beast falls sideways, its position etched out on the surface of the water by the white spray edges of a massive splash.

It takes a moment before sounds in the real world start to register again and Pidge realises that neither they nor Keith have spoken a single word since they initiated the Neural Handshake. They turn to look at him, with their eyes, in real time. His heavy breathing is perfectly synced with their own.

They get it. Words are too slow. Headspace is faster. Jaeger pilots are taught to use spoken communication as a crutch, to guide their partner through their thought process. It was something Pidge and Matt threw out almost immediately after they faced their first real Kaiju; all the shouting just slowed them down. But whereas the Headspace they shared with Matt was like endlessly scrolling lines of code, with Keith it's more subconscious, sensual. It's abstract images and sensations, associations zigzagging like a hare.

"LOCCENT, first Kaiju - Backslider - is down," Keith says into the comm.

"Kill confirmed, Black," Coran responds with relief. "Well done!"

"Pursuing Moloch into the city now," Keith informs him before closing the comm.

-

In the short time it takes them to catch up to the Kaiju, they've settled on a plan. The creature is just as big as the last one and somehow even bulkier, covered all over in thick plates of armour. Each of the plates on its back rises into the point of a bony spike, and there are more spikes lining the edges of its forearms and its thick, club-like tail.

There are no weak spots. They're going to need to _make_ some.

Black breaks into a run, but before they can reach it, the Kaiju turns and spots them. Even with both her pilots' quick reflexes and Black's smooth handling, there's not enough time to move that much Jaeger out of reach. The spikes along the Kaiju's right arm tear through Black's midsection, the feedback winding Pidge and Keith, and the tail smashes into the Jaeger's leg, causing her to crash into the skyscraper on her left. Instinctively, they try to brace themselves against the crumpled building, but simply end up toppling with it.

Black lands hard on one knee, fingers splayed in the rubble, and Pidge feels a flash of panic shoot through them from Keith. But it's gone practically as soon as it registers and together they push the Jaeger up and back onto her feet. Alarms blare as the AI informs them about all the places they're damaged.

 _The tail._ Keith looks over at them, jaw clenching up in frustration.

It takes all of a split-second in real time for the two of them to cycle through their options: A loose thread is cut off a shirt sleeve with a pair of nail scissors. A key is placed on a doorstep and covered with a rock. A brightly-coloured flyer is stapled to a noticeboard.

Pidge locks eyes with Keith. _Looks like the only way is through._

They strike as fast as they can. It's not a move Pidge has ever seen attempted with a Jaeger before, but most Jaegers don't have claws like Black. For an instant, they're afraid that the claws won't be able to penetrate the bony plates, but the spikes are more brittle and Black's claws drive in deep. Then they pull.

The Kaiju seems confused by the move at first and tries to shake them off. They brace Black's left hand against the Kaiju's elbow to stop the forearm spikes from tearing through them again, but there's nothing they can do about the tail. It crashes into Black's legs like a bowling ball into pins. Together they dig Black's heels deeper into the street. They have to hold on.

It's an agonising few seconds before they start to feel some give from the spike, just a little at first, then there's a screech from Moloch as the plate begins to tear away. As with Backslider, the Kaiju's own momentum as it struggles works in their favour, and finally they rip the spike free, leaving an oozing opening in the creature's back.

They stagger Black back a little, struggling to pull the spike off of the claws on her right hand, and the Kaiju slams its body into her chest. Pidge feels the force of it through their whole body, and echoed again through Keith's. Black's back slams into an office tower and it caves like a crash mat. The Kaiju advances after them, and it only takes a flicker of thought for them to agree what to do.

They strike out, this time with Black's left hand, driving her hooked claws into a second bony spike. The Kaiju may not understand exactly what they're trying to do, but it surely knows that it's bad. It slams its massive body against the inside of Black's arm and both pilots gasp. The claws' grip doesn't loosen, but the arm is overextended; pitted against the Kaiju's weight, there's a dangerous chance it could tear. They can't afford to lose an arm.

Split-seconds pass: A dog's claws scrabbling over a linoleum floor. They bring Black's right elbow crashing down on the Kaiju's head, then swing round to strike the side of its neck with the Jaeger's forearm. It doesn't do any damage to the Kaiju, but it distracts the beast for just a moment, long enough for them to skid the Jaeger into a stronger stance, further behind the Kaiju.

Keith and Pidge don't hesitate, roaring together as they throw all of their strength into a tug of war with Moloch for the second spike. Relief floods their connection the moment they feel the plate start to give and then the Kaiju only has itself to blame. With each violent jerk of its massive body, the plate tears away further, until finally they rip it clean off.

Adrenaline gives them both strength beyond reason, as this time Black quickly yanks the spike off of her claws, right hand immediately starting to transform into a plasma cannon. The Kaiju tries to turn to face them, but they're faster, driving the weapon as deep as they can into the opening they've created in the creature's back, and firing over and over and-

-

When Pidge walks out, side by side with Keith, into the central hall, they're met by a cheering crowd of Shatterdome workers. As the sea of people parts to allow them through, they see Shiro standing waiting for them. He looks like it's taking every ounce of willpower he has not to just rush over and hug the both of them.

Hunk, on the other hand, demonstrates no such restraint as Pidge finds themselves lifted clear off the ground in a bear hug. Keith laughs as he promptly receives the same treatment and Pidge raises an eyebrow at Lance as he approaches them.

"Hey, good job out there," he says, clapping a hand down on Keith's shoulder. Pidge senses as much as sees their partner's relief as he smiles and nods quickly. Lance turns to them before casually adding, "Thanks for the assist."

Pidge shrugs. "Sorry for hogging all the Kaiju. You guys get first dibs on the next one, I promise."

Lance smiles as he gives them a nod of acknowledgement and they feel a little relief of their own.

"OK, listen up! I've got something I wanna say," Shiro shouts across the floor, drawing their attention. Pidge sees that he's climbed up on a packing crate, presumably so that he can be seen more easily by everyone. He surveys the crowd for a moment before he continues.

"When I first took command of this mission, I have to say, I was a little intimidated. I was a great Jaeger pilot - if I do say so myself - but I didn't really have any experience of being a leader. So taking over from Marshal Alves... Heh." He shakes his head. "Those of you that know Alfor will have no doubt noticed how he always seems to have all the answers. No matter how tough things get, he's always calm and professional. He never hesitates.

"So there was I, thinking, how could I ever live up to that example? How could I possibly match all those years of experience as a leader? It seemed impossible, just as the mission that I was commanding - to finally seal the Breach - seemed impossible too. But then I realised something."

He pauses then, eyes scanning the crowd once more.

"It wasn't just what Marshal Alves _did_ himself that made him a great leader. It was the way he _inspired_ others to action, to go above and beyond what even they thought that they were capable of. To be _heroes_.

"So I'm asking you all now to stand with me. Because for me, alone, this mission _is_ impossible. But not for all of us. Together I know we _can_ do this. We're gonna _make_ it possible. _Together we are going to win this war!_ "

A great cheer goes up from the assembled crowd. Pidge exchanges a look and a smile with Keith.

The workers quickly disperse, needing no further prompting to return to their assigned tasks. Coran helps Shiro down from the crate and he makes his way over to the two of them. 

"Nice speech," Keith says, with a playful smile directed at his brother.

"Nice job taking down two Kaiju and saving the day," Shiro responds with a grin. "I'm proud of you." He places his hand on Keith's shoulder, and they stare at each other for a couple of seconds before Shiro finally cracks. "OK, screw appearances, I'm hugging you." He wraps his arm around Keith and pulls him close.

"Oh, so _he_ gets a hug and I don't?" Pidge grouses. "That's just blatant favouritism. I'm gonna complain to my-" The rest of their sentence is muffled against Shiro's chest as he hugs them tightly. They take a breath before returning the embrace.

When he finally releases them and they pull back, Shiro's expression is a little more serious.

"Go get yourselves checked out by the medics. As soon as Black's cleared for combat, you're heading back out there. We can do this, but we need to be quick about it." He lowers his head a little, glancing about quickly. "After those last two Kaiju, I think..."

"They know we're coming," Pidge finishes for him. Shiro nods grimly.

-

After a brief visit to medical bay, Pidge makes their way back to the central hall. They find Keith standing on one of the observation decks, just along from Black's bay. Leaning on the railing, he gazes down at the small group of people gathered around the now empty bay where Firefly used to stand.

"I'm not good with funerals," Keith says, unprompted, as Pidge moves to stand beside him. He scrunches up his nose in discomfort.

"Me either," they respond, crossing their arms over their chest. Keith looks over at them quickly and winces, but Pidge just shakes their head. "'Sfine. I've had nearly five years now in which to not get over it."

They keep their gaze fixed on the gathering down below for a moment, before sneaking a look back at Keith.

"It's not your fault," he says bluntly. His tone is not sympathetic, but rather defiant. Pidge can't help but feel like any argument they were to make in reply would be met with a response of 'fight me'.

"And it's not yours," they respond, unflinching.

Neither of them needs to specify what they're referring to. Keith is always going to have cut his brother's arm off and Pidge is always going to have failed to bury their sibling. Neither of those things is going to change. But maybe, if they do end up saving the world, they might be able to earn a little forgiveness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1) If you enjoyed the story, please comment and let me know what bits you liked in particular. You can also chat to me about it over on [Tumblr](http://apolloepikourios.tumblr.com/).
> 
> 2) Yes, this the last chapter. I was originally thinking of writing more, but I found writing Jaeger-Kaiju battles quite taxing and couldn't think of a way to continue the story without writing more battles. So I'm leaving it open-ended.
> 
> 3) Kaiju names -  
> \- Lobo is the replacement for Knifehead in my narrative. It was supposed to be a nemesis for the Jaeger Intellect Daredevil, so I started with the word 'lobotomy' and after a bit of mental wandering came to 'lobo', which is Spanish for 'wolf'.  
> \- Backslider replaces Leatherback. I went from leatherback turtles to terrapins to pond sliders, then made a leap. Vaguely appropriate though, since it forces the PPDC to revert back to using a nuclear-powered Jaeger after upgrading to safer digital ones.  
> \- Moloch, replacing Otachi, is named after an Australian lizard called a thorny devil (Moloch horridus), for hopefully obvious reasons.


End file.
